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Hillary’s Time Tunnel, Episode 3

Can one go back into the past and alter the course of history? The Hillary Clinton for President Exploratory Committee has released its own remake of Hillary’s favorite show, The Time Tunnel. Starring Bill Clinton, it is now available here on YouTube.

In this latest episode—click here for episode one, and here for episode two—Bill Clinton enters the Time Tunnel and alters key happenings in Hillary’s life and career, long before she became a United States Senator and long before he became President.

The drama opens with Bill journeying across his own memories to the moment he met Hillary thirty-five years ago. We see her progress from law school to a career in public service—working for the Children’s Defense Fund and then the House Judiciary Committee. Foreshadowing events that would occur decades later, we then see Hillary following Bill to Arkansas as he became a devoted “public servant” while she taught in the local law school and set up a legal-aid clinic for poor people.

Suspense builds as history takes an astonishing turn in a direction starkly different from the way things happened the first time around. Thanks to the Time Tunnel, Hillary’s years working within the Rose law firm in Little Rock are erased. In an unexpected turn of events, her close friend and law partner Vincent Foster will never come to take his own life; her other close friend and law partner Webster Hubbell will never become a ranking official in the Justice Department and then a convicted felon. Hillary does not join them both in litigating against low-income consumers in a utility-rate case. Hubbell does not later recall, as he would in his memoirs, that “instead of defending poor people and righting wrongs, we found ourselves squarely on the side of corporate greed against the little people.”

The action then shifts to the climactic years at the White House. “Everyone knows,” says Bill, “that when I was in the White House and Hillary was the First Lady, she led our efforts to try to get health care for all Americans. And everyone knows we didn’t succeed.” As for what he himself was up to, we are given to understand that he was a faithful husband to his beloved First Lady. We are not shown the fateful moment in the White House alcove where Monica reveals her thong. In this version of the past, it would seem that Bill immediately said to the chubby intern, “thanks but no thanks”—and strutted off to the Oval Office to plot attacks on al Qaeda.

Alas, those who enter the Time Tunnel never ever succeed in altering the course of history; only some insignificant details can be changed. On September 11, 2001, 9/11 happened exactly on schedule. At 8:46 AM, a Boeing 767 aircraft crashed into the northern side of the North Tower of the World Trade Center. Hillary ran for a second term in the Senate and won. Now she is running for President. Will the Time Tunnel give her a chance? Or will Whitewater and/or the vast right-wing conspiracy reemerge? Despite the best efforts of her Exploratory Committee, the Time Tunnel can neither help nor halt her. To find out what will happen next in this thrilling show, be sure to stay tuned.


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