Today is the first of at least five meetings between President Obama and his national-security team to re-examine the strategy for Afghanistan and Pakistan. The president is certainly entitled to engage in intensive discussions on a matter of this magnitude—though it should be said that (a) it’s not as if the issues haven’t been known for quite some time now, and that (b) according to General Stanley McChrystal, who is leading our effort in Afghanistan, there is a particular urgency to making a decision. If McChrystal doesn’t get the additional troops he needs within the next year, his mission will “likely result in failure.” So time is of the essence.
As President Obama reassesses his commitment to the Afghanistan war, he might bear in mind the words of Dean Acheson, President Truman’s secretary of state, who wrote this in his extraordinary memoir Present at the Creation:
No one can decide and act who is beset by second thoughts, self-doubt, and that most enfeebling of emotions, regret. With the President a decision made was done with and he went on to another. He learned from mistakes (though he seldom admitted them), and did not waste time bemoaning them. . . . The capacity for decision, however, does not produce, of itself, wise decisions. For that a President needs a better eye and more intuition and coordination than the best batters in the major leagues. If his score is not far better than theirs, he will be rated a failure. But the metaphor is inadequate; it leaves out the necessary creativity. A President is not merely coping with the deliveries of others. He is called upon to influence and move to some degree his own country and the world around it to a purpose that he envisions.
And this:
We escaped, however, from what can be, and often has been . . . endless discussion and inability to decide. General Marshall’s often-quoted ejaculation — “Don’t fight the problem. Decide it!” — put an end to this tendency in his day.
And this:
[Truman] learned also, and learned quickly, the limits of international organization and agreement as means of decision and security in a deeply divided world. Released from the acceptance of a dogma that builders and wreckers of a new world order could and should work happily and successfully together, he was free to combine our power and coordinate our action with those who did have a common purpose.
And this:
Free of the greatest vice in a leader, [Truman’s] ego never came between him and his job. He saw his job and its needs without distortion from that astigmatism.
President Obama could do much worse than read, and learn from, Acheson’s book—perhaps during his flight to Copenhagen, on behalf of Chicago, later this week.
This post is so true on so many levels. I remember being a young boy and having the freedom to roam whereever I wanted. I learned to take care of myself and was forced to become aware of my surroundings. Kids today never have to bother with this because once they leave the protection of mom and dad big government is there to protect them and keep them safe.
Ditto for me Ken M. I was allowed to be an actual boy, and not a cosseted little Pinocchio like so many wretched little boys today. To think that these children wil someday be our leaders — oh, wait, many of the post-boomer “leadership class” do act like they were never taught to wipe their own rear ends.
I saw a couple of boys wearing helmets riding their non-electric scooters. Shouldn’t children have to wear helmets when they take a walk, too?
I would have been embarassed to stand with my children at the school bus. Even though I live on a dead-end street in a quiet town, parents wait for their child so they won’t have to walk two minutes alone or the bus stops directly at their house.
Yes and no. Many parents — and institutions afraid of law suits — are much too protective. I took public transportation by myself when I was 7. But would I let a grandchild do so in the same neighborhood? No. Not even in a better neighborhood. It isn’t the 1950s anymore. Parents just have to use their heads.
PS – Even in the 1950s I was bothered on two occasions by sleaze-bag adults.
When I was eight, I flew JFK to Heathrow. No big deal. I walked to kindergarten, I waited for the school bus — no parents. In fact, had my parents come along, I would have been embarrassed. or at least felt peculiar. Because none of the other kids had their parents along.
Bicycle helmets — they didn’t exist.
I’m always amazed that my sibs know exactly where their teenagers are at every moment of the day. When I was in HS, they were the last people to know what we were doing.
And like biblio says, pervs very definitely existed. But it wasn’t something I worried about.
The only kids I see (and I don”t pay much attention) who seem free to run around the way I did are black kids. I wonder if their lives are already stressful/complicated enough that worrying about meeting their school bus is just not something their parents are going to sweat.
My motto always was, You have to let them fall off a curb so they don’t have to learn by falling off a cliff.
Excellent post. I hadn’t heard of Lenore Skenazy, but just now accessed the WaPo discussion and her own blog. I like her style. Her commentary on overprotective parents is spot on. I am so thankful that my parents gave my brother and me tremendous freedom to play and explore fields, forests, rivers, frozen ponds, etc. in the late 60s and early 70s. Each day was an adventure. However, every once in a while I do wonder how we ever made it out of childhood alive after all the absolutely stupid and dangerous stuff we did—and entirely without adult supervision. Our kids are mortified (and a bit in awe) that their grandparents actually let us do such stuff.
I agree with yes and no. In the past arbitrary adults could be relied upon to correct the behavior of or assist a roaming kid. Neighbors, store owners/managers/clerks, any ole person walking around my neighborhood could feel free to correct or help a kid in need. Now, people don’t get involved with unknown children least they be attacked by a parent or accused of pedophila. There’s too much risk to getting involved, especially for men.
I’ve instructed by kiddos if they find themselves in need to ask a “mom” for help. Any woman pushing a stroller or accompanied by another child is probably a pretty safe bet. Not because women are necessarily more trustworthy, but because a man may feel less able to assist because of public paranoia. Such is the world be live in.
What a ridiculous phenomenon, one that could only come from this era. I simply do not understand the fear and paranoia, although borne from the legitimate desire to protect one’s loved ones, that drives sane people to adopt increasingly ridiculous measures in the name of safety.
d’oh, meant to post that last message in a different thread. whoops.
“There’s too much risk to getting involved, especially for men.”
Sad, but true. I’m a parent, it’s my natural instinct to help a kid, at the same time, I’m afraid to even talk to one if I’m not with my wife or my kids, let alone actually get near them if they were to fall off their bike or become lost in a store.
It’s not that there haven’t been predatory adults in the past, it’s that now society is all to quick to label an innocent, helpful male as a predator, and once the accusation is made, his life is likely changed forever. Even if cleared, before or after court, he’ll have been tried in the court of popular opinion, his name splashed all over the media.
As for my kids, I try to develop as much self-confidence and independence as I can, but nanny-neighbors then start questioning my parenting.
Pretty damn sad comment on America in 2009.
fuster, you have my sympathy. It must get confusing switching back and forth between your different names.
There is another strange phenomena associated with the parents that are always present with their youngsters–while the parents may be providing protection for their children’s safety, they don’t appear to be providing a role model or discipline.
The parents are present, but the children are running around, horse playing, climbing onto furniture, walls, counters, as if such were gymnastic equipment, yelling and shrieking–and this is just in the lobby of my Manhattan apartment building. Behavior fit for a playground.
Young adults that have grown up in this environment appear no better behaved. Pushing and shoving their way about. Manners? Saying “excuse me”? The concept of an appropriate time and place for everything? (Translation: Not here and not now.)
And there have been a number of spectacular murders involving young women victims, women who apparently had no clue about their own safety–no wariness towards strangers, about the late hour, of being alone, visiting unfamiliar neighborhoods, clubs, bars, apartments, etc. Clueless, period.
And tragic.
I kinda agree that there is a lot of overprotectedness that has made its way into our world. However if one of those selfappointed experts think your kid is too young or whatever and calls in Child Protective Services, you mightl never hear the end of it. And too the world has become in some ways more dangerous.
What is a parent supposed to do? Sometimes you think you know your kids and feel you can trust them. But sometimes they can surprise you and yourself.
I meant “But sometimes they can surprise you and themselves.”
These overprotective parents have been brainwashed by excessive viewing of 24/7 tv news.
(Grandpa of 4 overprotected grandkids )
Adam Walsh, Johnny Gosh and Jacob Wetterling could not be reached for comment.
This is a hard one for me as a father of two and a veteran police detective. I grew up running the neighborhoods with my buddies; gone early in the morning, home for lunch and back out until dark. But in that time (the sixties) my neighbors were my family’s neighbors for years. Everybody knew everybody. If I screwed up a phone call from a neighbor beat me home every time. And there was no argument that the other adult was wrong. If “Mrs Jones” down the street saw me screwing up, I screwed up-period. I fell out of trees, rode a bike with no helmet (a silly silly law), threw rocks at other kids playing army, hunted the fields with a BB gun, on and on.
However, with our nation (note I say nation- i.e. lawyer, bureaucrats, rule makers, politicians, advocacy groups…) changing the rules I can see why parents hold their children closer. Shoot, I remember breaking a window on an old man’s house while playing ball. We ran home. My dad went down the street and had it replaced. We apologized, the man asked us to hit the ball the other way from now on and that was it. No lawsuits, nobody trying to cheat anyone, etc.
As for perverts, drugs, early sex, drugged up kids influencing your kids, bad parents, etc.- this is all sadly true. Your kids ARE at a greater risk than thirty years ago. There are some very evil nasty deranged people living near you, watching you, watching your kids. We have lost a great deal over the years allowing bad behavior to exist and be excused. Young people are exposed to things that I know my grandfather would have handled by driving down to the source of the problem and simply kicking the living sh** out of it. In his day, some things were just not accepted. Regardless of what the “progressives” in our society claim it was a better time back then, especially for kids. Let’s be honest, risking the possibility of offending Perez Hilton and his buddies, in forty short years we went from “spinning the bottle” and a quick peck on the cheek to twelve year olds getting the opportunity to pick which flavored condom they like. Nobody can say that is progress.
Yes, I keep my children close. If they get through their teenage years alive, uninfected, not traumatized, and believing in their own talents, I win.
RW
I was born in October of 1959 and so I can completely relate to the “I ran wild” and lived (surprisingly!?!) posts, but I’m also the at-home parent of two children who are now 15 and 17 and so I can relate to both periods.
Today? I can’t tell you how many parents were SHOCKED that my 1st grade son walked to and from school – hmm, down my block, turn left, walk two “side” blocks to the crossing guard, she gets you across the street and you’re at the school playground – sooo scary! (Yes, I live in an older suburb with “grid” streets, etc.)
When this was repeated by my younger daughter, well, it continued to raise more than a few eyebrows in this “progressive” community.
Today? They are VERY independent, but of course they also have cell phones and so we both have “lifelines.”
My opinion? It IS more dangerous in society today, but our kids have to learn how to navigate and over-protectiveness, while understandable, doesn’t lend itself to genuine confidence and independence.
I try to live by the song “Hold on Loosely, but don’t let go!”
Mom Blogs – Blogs for Moms…
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RW: nice post! You too, #20!
How much of this protectiveness has come as a result of 24 hour cable news? In their constant search for content, the perv story gets much press (based on the principle of “if it bleeds, it leads”).
Like others here, my cousin and I rode our bikes all over town. We’d spend hours on end playing at the park completely unsupervised. This was late elementary school age. We did some stupid things, got hurt, got in fights, and developed some wonderful memories! We also learned to be self-sufficient.
I’m less protective of my kids than my wife is. She’s overly protective, and I tell her. But I still wouldn’t let my 9 year old do even half of what I did. And we live in a safe town with a very low crime rate. Our only crimes are the occassional high schooler busted for drugs, or petty thievery by punks. I can’t tell you why I’m more protective.
When I was six (that would be circa 1962), I walked four blocks to school and back, every day, unless the snow was higher than my waist (which happened on several occasions). All the kids in our neighborhood did the same thing.
When I was eleven, I received a bus pass that allowed me to take a New York City bus to my junior high school, which was roughly a mile away from home. This same bus pass, good for seven days a week, also allowed one to use the NYC subway system. By the time we were twelve, my friends and I were making excursions into the City on the N train to visit museums, Central Park, or even just hang out.
We rode our bikes without helmets, we rollerskated without kneepads, we played stickball in the street, and our playground had cement paving under the swings.
Somehow, we survived.
“It IS more dangerous in society today”
Actually, statistics say otherwise, but perception is everything, right? I mean, imagine how we would have been raised, had there been 24/7 news channels back in the early sixties looking for lurid and dramatic child abduction/rape/murder cases to fill up empty air time. We would have lived in hermetically sealed rubber rooms.
“It IS more dangerous in society today”
Actually, statistics say otherwise, but perception is everything, right? I mean, imagine how we would have been raised, had there been 24/7 news channels back in the early sixties looking for lurid and dramatic child abduction/rape/murder cases to fill up empty air time. We would have lived in hermetically sealed rubber rooms.
It is LESS “dangerous” than when I roamed the streets at 10-12 between 1969 and 1971?!? Where? I also had the advantage, as noted by an earlier poster, of adults willing to step forward when they needed to. Today? Most families have double-income parents (or single parents) and the neighborhoods thus less have adults (and older siblings – family size is much smaller) and so have less of a “presence” than they once did.
My neighborhood streets are much “quieter” with today’s smaller family size and absent adults.
“It is LESS “dangerous” than when I roamed the streets at 10-12 between 1969 and 1971?!? Where?”
Almost everywhere. Just go to the National Institutes of Justice home page and peruse the crime stats.
Re was it more dangerous 40 or 50 years ago than it is now: most of the adults harming kids are known to, or part of the families. Commonly it is the “boyfriend” of the single mother. The risk of an absolute stranger harming your kid is almost as small today as it was then. There is no exact formula for what is safe, but everyone is right; we are erring on the side of safety, and, occasionally, on the side of stupidity, to the detriment of our kids.
Biblio:
“Yes and no. Many parents — and institutions afraid of law suits — are much too protective. I took public transportation by myself when I was 7. But would I let a grandchild do so in the same neighborhood? No. Not even in a better neighborhood. *IT ISN’T THE 1950′S ANYMORE* Parents just have to use their heads.”
To all, and Biblio, I ask: WHY isn’t it the 1950′s anymore? What wrong turn did we take?
This telling article and thread probably hits the most significant issue in our land–the deevolution of our culture and national life into something increasingly grotesque and unrecognizable to sense.