Rep. Michele Bachmann called the police after she was assaulted by protesters, had her campaign materials stolen, and her house vandalized, according to police reports obtained by the Miami Herald. Most people would see her reaction as “common sense.” But the Herald apparently sees it as a sign Bachmann is a paranoid/crybaby/controversy-magnet. Seriously:

With a penchant for tough talk and polarizing positions, Republican presidential contender Michele Bachmann is a magnet for controversy — and there’s a trail of police reports to prove it.

She and her staff over the years have requested police protection or investigations when her house was egged; when protesters threw glitter on her or held up critical signs; when her campaign yard signs were stolen; when a man wrote an email perceived as a threat; and when she screamed that two women were holding her hostage “against my will” in a city hall restroom.

The series of police reports from the Stillwater Police Department and the Washington County Sheriff’s Office in Minnesota show a side of a candidate rarely seen on the campaign trail, where Bachmann has described herself as having a “titanium spine.”

Get it? So not only is Bachmann a sissy, she’s also a phony for pretending to act tough on the campaign trail.

The Herald even went so far as to track down the man accused of sending Bachmann a threatening email, and interview him about whether he thought Bachmann was crazy:

“She seems paranoid,” said Brad Trandem, a Lakeland, Minn., resident who excoriated Bachmann in an email this year, only to face investigators. “She does all this criticism of other people’s lives and talks about how people should be ‘armed and dangerous.’ But then someone says something critical about her and she calls the police.”

Tandem’s email to Bachmann read: ”I would also keep a little closer tabs on the dear hubby if I were you.” It was sent the day after the Gabbie Giffords shooting, when Capitol Hill police urged members of Congress to send them any potentially threatening emails promptly — which Bachmann promptly did.

The absurdly biased Bachmann article gives just a hint of what the Republican nominee will face during the general election. Of course, these sorts of blatantly outrageous media smears will probably end up helping Bachmann’s campaign at this point with conservative voters.