Commentary Magazine


The Golf Joke

Moses is in his office in Heaven. “Moses,” says his secretary, “it’s God on Line 2.”

“Oy,” says Moses. He knows what this is about. “Hello, boss,” he says.

“I’m at my wit’s end,” God says.

“Jesus?” Moses asks. 

“Who else?” God says.

“A nice boy,” Moses says. “It’ll be fine.”

“The kid is a showboat,” God says. “It bugs me. You he’s always listened to. Take him out. Have a talk.”

Moses sighs. “All right,” he says.

So Moses makes a date with Jesus to play golf. They meet on the course. Moses tees off. He lands in the rough, gets a good line, second shot on the fairway, third to the lip of the green, and it takes him four solid putts to get in the hole for a 7 on a par 4.

Then it’s Jesus’s turn. Jesus tees off. The ball is about to land in the water hazard when a whale breaks through the surface. The ball lands on his spout. An enormous gust of water pushes the ball onto the fairway, where it bounces before coming to rest. 

Suddenly the ground trembles and cracks open. The fault line creates a downward slope. The ball rolls toward the green but is going to go into the sand trap when a Komodo dragon emerges from the sand and slaps the ball with its tail. The ball rolls down the green and is about to go off into the second cut when a gust of wind reverses its progress and guides it gently into the cup.

“Hole in one!” Jesus calls. He runs merrily down to the green, where Moses is standing, smoking a cigarette, holding the pin.

“Not cool, kid,” Moses says, shaking his head. “Look, even Zeus takes a mulligan once in a while.”

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