Commentary Magazine


Strange Herring

Obama limits U.S. use of nuclear weapons to one minute after our glorious republic is a steaming pile of ash, toxic waste, and rotting human flesh. So there’s a plan.

World spared another Salinger “masterpiece.” Thank you. Thank you.

Subways of the future are so cool you’ll want to live in them. Unlike some of us…

Loon’s mommy says Fox News made him threaten Nancy Pelosi. Well, MSNBC made me punch a rodeo clown, you don’t hear me whining about it…

Office of the High Commissioner of Human Rights forces Steve Jobs to stop running those stupid “Buy Apple” ads.

Obama’s judicial nominee withdraws because she’s not universally acclaimed. Somebody needs a hug. Or clozapine. (I said or …)

NY Times Ethicist says stealing’s OK as long as you convince yourself it’s not really stealing. (Immanuel Kant call your office — and cancel your subscription to the Times.)

ObamaCare a definite pain in the prostate.

Do not quit your job as a nanosurgery technician to stuff envelopes from home. There’s no money in it, apparently.

No Flash a problem if you’re in the Hulu loop.

Fit pregnancy could result in scrawny offspring. O the ironies. And by “O,” I don’t mean O. Or O. Or O.

British farmers claim UFOs are attacking their sheep. Damn foreigners.

Minor-league baseball team signs girl pitcher. For the love of Joe Pepitone, where will this egalitarian madness end? Next thing you know, women will be running businesses and becoming heads of state. Miserable communists…

Prehistoric bugs discovered preserved in amber, just like socialism in the head of a Nation editor…

NYU School of Journalism names Top 10 works of journalism in past decade. Wait a minute — they have schools for journalism? They grade on a curve, yes?

The Twinkie is 80. Literally. Like the one you’re eating right now.

And Gatorade goes kosher. So now your rabbi can replenish his fluids during those really long liturgies. (H/T Abe Greenwald)

Karzai’s tirade makes perfect sense now. Hey, Hamid, don’t Bogart that hookah.

Turkey threatens to do to Armenians what they did to Armenians if anyone mentions what they did to Armenians. Which they deny doing. Unless you make them do it.

Fossil of 4-foot-2-inch boy found. He may or may not be the missing link. He may or may not have fronted an Air Supply tribute band.

And finally, Elizabeth Taylor, 78, is engaged. A triumph of hope over experience.

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