The Big Bang Bust

Last year I conveyed the news that the Big Bang redux had been delayed due to a naughty Frenchman from the future. Well, the Large Hadron Collider, which will smash atoms with such tremendous force that, well, I’ll let the BBC tell it (everything sounds better with a British accent anyway):

The ultimate aim is to collide particles head on at 14TeV to recreate the conditions in the moments after the Big Bang.

By the way, “14TeV” is scientific notation for “one more thing I have to look up on Wikipedia.”

Anyway, the collider thingee is on the fritz again, and will be taken off-line or off-bang at the end of 2011, delaying the project at least two more years.

As every German schoolchild knows, the universe is 13.75 billion years old, and is a Scorpio. Now had the real big bang been so clumsily handled by chance, it would have taken twice as long just to cook up a decent listeria monocytogenes, never mind Cleveland.

In other news, a South Korean man has married his pillow.

Don’t judge.

I think some intrepid reporter should ask President Obama just where he stands on the man-bedding marriage issue. I mean, it’s 2010 already. Free your mind! Is the love that dare not speak its name to be kept in the linen closet forever?

And yes, I agree, semaphore would have been more useful than those subtitles…