Take My Life, Please!

The end times are upon us. First, there was Sinbad the Sailor versus the Pirates of the Arabian. Now, the Telegraph is reporting that a convicted Al-Qaeda terrorist was among a number of British prisoners given lessons in stand-up comedy:

Zia Ul Haq, who was involved in the ‘Gas Limos Project’ to bomb London, was reportedly enrolled on an eight-day comedy workshop at HMP Whitemoor.

Given that Islamic terrorists are not exactly famous for their sense of humor, the instructor (unnamed, alas) surely deserved the money.

I’m delighted to report that an inside source gave me a copy of his prize student’s routine. His shtick included such one-liners as

I cheated on my wife. Now she calls me an infidel!

And among his setups was

It’s the night before their big martyrdom operation, so Ahmed and Abdul walk into a bar

And, my personal favorite, punchlines like

…and so Allah says, “Congratulations, here are your 72 white raisins.”

Note that the instructor clearly failed in his task, given that the best comedy relies on surprise. A truly funny Islamic terrorist comic would have replaced “congratulations” with “mazel tov.”